clouds, clouds go away

was it the weather
that made my day darker?
was it the rain
that made me feel more of the pain?

i wanted to see the sun today
but all i see were clouds so gray
can somebody blow them away
so that my heart can sing and play

When I Thought I Found You

PROLOGUE

Maybe it's the storybooks that I had devoured as a kid but I actually believed that there is a happily ever after for everybody, especially me.

It was one of those normal sunny day. It wasn't a perfect day, well, at least by my standard, but it was generally an okay day. I was rushing my way to my next class. Trust me, it was a stressful run from one building to another. I was running as fast as I can while trying to memorize in my mind those mind-boggling formulas my next professor will be using to torture me and my classmates. Then it happened....

I'm still not sure how it happened. I used to believe it was fate. Well, I'm having doubts about that now.

Friendship

Friends..... I don't normally open up immediately. I'm quite reserved when it comes to making friends. I have such a thick wall of defense that sometimes it would have to take years before anybody CAN know me.

Unfortunately for me, I trusted too soon. Don't take me wrong, there's no pain nor anger. It's pure disheartenment. I'm disheartened that I actually believed I found a friend. I'm disheartened to feel my trust thrown back to my face HARD. I'm disheartened to see the mocking faces beneath their masks. I'm disheartened to hear the jeers above their concern. I'm just disheartened.

What's in a Name?

What's in a name? By name, I don't mean the name a person is being referred by the name a person is being perceived upon.

I'm not saying that I have the most pristine reputation but I do believe that my actions and words are always perceived to be different than what I intended them to be.

I find it really disheartening, especially when the people you believed to know you are the ones who were the first to point an accusing finger or utter the hurting words without giving you the benefit of the doubt. I guess, that's life, right?

confusion

i don't know...

i really have no idea....

i might have said something you hurt you...

i might have done something you didn't like...

but, until you tell me, i am clueless why you're treating me like an annoying pest....

maybe you thought it was intentional...

you may even believe it was planned...

but, until you tell me, i am at loss why you're treating me like an unwanted guest....

i am not asking for your forgiveness....

i am not asking you to understand....

all i want is for you to tell me why

maybe then i'll know where to stand

Tangled Thoughts #02

People always say, why don't you put yourself into other people's shoes so that you'll understand what they're going through... DUH!?! is that really possible? to actually understand what others are going through.... NO!!!! how can you really understand when you're not the actually having the experience?