As I stare at the monitor, I can actually feel how lost I am. It may sound strange that somebody my age could be saying this. But, I really have no idea how I would live my life after I shut this computer down.
It feels like I'm just going around in circle, a vicious circle at that. Did I do something wrong then? Did I turn a wrong turn somewhere? Or maybe I just wasn't a good person that I'm reaping now what I sown?
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
TANGLED DREAMS
When you're teethering in the mouth
of what appears to be hell,
nothing is more alive
but the beating of your heart.
Regret tasts so real
that you won't notice the tears
generously streaming down your face
and reminding you on what you have been.
Ambitions didn't matter anymore
with damnation holding out its manacles
and, yet, there's a glimmer of hope
with salvation trying to grope out of the dark.
Is it fate or is it man?
Is it a reality or is it a game?
Will I wake from a nightmare
or actually live in a bad dream?
of what appears to be hell,
nothing is more alive
but the beating of your heart.
Regret tasts so real
that you won't notice the tears
generously streaming down your face
and reminding you on what you have been.
Ambitions didn't matter anymore
with damnation holding out its manacles
and, yet, there's a glimmer of hope
with salvation trying to grope out of the dark.
Is it fate or is it man?
Is it a reality or is it a game?
Will I wake from a nightmare
or actually live in a bad dream?
Sunday, March 06, 2005
MY CRYING SONG
Could've Been*
Sung By Tiffany
The flowers you gave me,
Are just about to die.
When I think about,
What could've been,
It makes me want to cry.
The sweet words you whispered,
Didn't mean a thing.
I guess our song is over,
As we begin to sing.
Could've been so beautiful,
Could've been so right,
Could've been my lover,
Every day of my life.
Could've been so beautiful,
Could've been so right.
I'll never hold what could've been,
On a cold and lonely night.
The memories of our lovin',
Still linger in the air,
Like the fainted scent of your roses,
They stay with me everywhere.
Every time I get my hopes up,
They always seem to fall.
Still what could've been,
Is better than,
What could never be at all,
At all,
Could've been so beautiful,
Could've been so right,
Could've been my lover,
Every day of my life.
Could've been so beautiful,
Could've been so right.
You can't hold what could've been,
On a cold and lonely night.
Could've been so beautiful,
Could've been so right,
You can't hold what could've been,
On a cold and lonely night.
No, No at all,
How could I hold what could've been,
On a cold and lonely night?
*i'm still researching on the identities of the composer and lyricist ;)
Sung By Tiffany
The flowers you gave me,
Are just about to die.
When I think about,
What could've been,
It makes me want to cry.
The sweet words you whispered,
Didn't mean a thing.
I guess our song is over,
As we begin to sing.
Could've been so beautiful,
Could've been so right,
Could've been my lover,
Every day of my life.
Could've been so beautiful,
Could've been so right.
I'll never hold what could've been,
On a cold and lonely night.
The memories of our lovin',
Still linger in the air,
Like the fainted scent of your roses,
They stay with me everywhere.
Every time I get my hopes up,
They always seem to fall.
Still what could've been,
Is better than,
What could never be at all,
At all,
Could've been so beautiful,
Could've been so right,
Could've been my lover,
Every day of my life.
Could've been so beautiful,
Could've been so right.
You can't hold what could've been,
On a cold and lonely night.
Could've been so beautiful,
Could've been so right,
You can't hold what could've been,
On a cold and lonely night.
No, No at all,
How could I hold what could've been,
On a cold and lonely night?
*i'm still researching on the identities of the composer and lyricist ;)
Saturday, March 05, 2005
THE LIGHT
When will this hurting end?
I have been wondering for so long.
Will my heart ever mend?
I have already forgotten how to be strong.
Days and nights, nights and days,
pain has not loosen its grip on my heart.
My life is filled with "come what mays,"
now that everything has fallen apart.
The sun has not been shining that bright.
Tomorrow no longer sparks hope.
I can't see the stars at night.
How much more can I cope?
What should I do to make things right?
What can I do to finally see the light?
I have been wondering for so long.
Will my heart ever mend?
I have already forgotten how to be strong.
Days and nights, nights and days,
pain has not loosen its grip on my heart.
My life is filled with "come what mays,"
now that everything has fallen apart.
The sun has not been shining that bright.
Tomorrow no longer sparks hope.
I can't see the stars at night.
How much more can I cope?
What should I do to make things right?
What can I do to finally see the light?
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
SADNESS
I can't grope my way out of the darkness
my dreams are all mired in hopelessness
doubt clouds my very essence
nothing makes any sense
I wish every night for a glimmer of hope
there are so many things I can't cope
yet, life seems not to be hearing
all my cries and weeping
I so want to enjoy the sunshine
to be able to say, "thank you, I'm doing fine"
but I can't bring myself to smile
not even for a little while
I'm getting drowned in my tears
I can't see beyond my fears
sadness has wrenched my heart away
happiness has lost it's way
my dreams are all mired in hopelessness
doubt clouds my very essence
nothing makes any sense
I wish every night for a glimmer of hope
there are so many things I can't cope
yet, life seems not to be hearing
all my cries and weeping
I so want to enjoy the sunshine
to be able to say, "thank you, I'm doing fine"
but I can't bring myself to smile
not even for a little while
I'm getting drowned in my tears
I can't see beyond my fears
sadness has wrenched my heart away
happiness has lost it's way
Friday, February 04, 2005
LESS
It pains so much to hear
bad things about yourself
from people you don't even know
But it hurts so much more
coming from people you believe
to be friends you can rely on
Sorry is such an easy word to say
but it amounts to nothing
when uttered carelessly
"to forgive is divine" they tell me
but i'm not a saint so please understand
it will take quite a while to smile again
one day or will it be tomorrow
the sun will come out
maybe by then everything will be fine
but, for now, less is better for you and me
the wounds are still fresh so just let it be
bad things about yourself
from people you don't even know
But it hurts so much more
coming from people you believe
to be friends you can rely on
Sorry is such an easy word to say
but it amounts to nothing
when uttered carelessly
"to forgive is divine" they tell me
but i'm not a saint so please understand
it will take quite a while to smile again
one day or will it be tomorrow
the sun will come out
maybe by then everything will be fine
but, for now, less is better for you and me
the wounds are still fresh so just let it be
Thursday, February 03, 2005
HURTING
I can't stop myself from hurting
no matter how hard I try.
You should see my desperate attempts
to forget you already said goodbye.
Banging my head on the wall
was an option I considered.
Maybe, when I lose consciousness,
my tears would be spared.
I tried immersing myself
in a lot of different things.
But your broken promises
were all I can sing.
I want so much to believe
someday this pain would end.
And I'll make it through
with your help, my friend.
no matter how hard I try.
You should see my desperate attempts
to forget you already said goodbye.
Banging my head on the wall
was an option I considered.
Maybe, when I lose consciousness,
my tears would be spared.
I tried immersing myself
in a lot of different things.
But your broken promises
were all I can sing.
I want so much to believe
someday this pain would end.
And I'll make it through
with your help, my friend.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
I NEVER PLAN...
I never plan this helplessness
My dreams were all grand
But one should never dare fate
Now everything is out of hand
Nothing turned out as I want
It seems confusion is here to stay
Doubt clouds my every thoughts
Angels are avoiding my way
I can't turn my face away
I want to shout out my frustration
It pains when I try to smile
I want to cry out my desperation
How did these things happened?
Why am in the middle of these?
Who can lend me a hand?
When will all of these cease?
My dreams were all grand
But one should never dare fate
Now everything is out of hand
Nothing turned out as I want
It seems confusion is here to stay
Doubt clouds my every thoughts
Angels are avoiding my way
I can't turn my face away
I want to shout out my frustration
It pains when I try to smile
I want to cry out my desperation
How did these things happened?
Why am in the middle of these?
Who can lend me a hand?
When will all of these cease?
Monday, January 31, 2005
A FRIEND
I can't seem to find the right way
to express what's in my heart.
My soul has nothing left to say
except the pain is tearing me apart.
I really thought it would last forever.
I prayed so hard it would be
but life is another matter.
Look what it did to you and me.
How could it have happened to us?
What made our dreams fade away?
Who allowed time to pass?
Why did change have to stay?
Can somebody tell me when will the hurting end?
God, how I badly need a friend.
to express what's in my heart.
My soul has nothing left to say
except the pain is tearing me apart.
I really thought it would last forever.
I prayed so hard it would be
but life is another matter.
Look what it did to you and me.
How could it have happened to us?
What made our dreams fade away?
Who allowed time to pass?
Why did change have to stay?
Can somebody tell me when will the hurting end?
God, how I badly need a friend.
Sunday, January 30, 2005
I AM ME
How can I possibly tell you how I feel
when I don't know anymore what is real?
Sure, the sun is still shining ever so bright.
But why do I feel nothing will ever be right?
I tried so very hard to understand
but then, this is all what I can.
I am not perfect and never professed to be.
So, why do you people keep on looking at me?
Give me a break! I need fresh air!
When will this pain be easier to bear?
Your burden is always heavier than my own.
Why can't I just stay at home?
I cannot live for somebody else's gain.
I am me. Please use my name.
when I don't know anymore what is real?
Sure, the sun is still shining ever so bright.
But why do I feel nothing will ever be right?
I tried so very hard to understand
but then, this is all what I can.
I am not perfect and never professed to be.
So, why do you people keep on looking at me?
Give me a break! I need fresh air!
When will this pain be easier to bear?
Your burden is always heavier than my own.
Why can't I just stay at home?
I cannot live for somebody else's gain.
I am me. Please use my name.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
TELL ME
Gusts of icy wind slap my face continuously
as if I can forget you already left me
Nothing would be colder than the emptiness in my heart
a proof I can't deny that we're now apart
Painful sighs echo through my life
Your goodbye stabbed me like a rusty knife
A dream unfulfilled of you and me forever
now I just want all of these to be over
I need you to tell me how I can outgrow
I need you to tell what I should know
I need you to tell me who I can turn to
I need you to tell me why I should let you go
as if I can forget you already left me
Nothing would be colder than the emptiness in my heart
a proof I can't deny that we're now apart
Painful sighs echo through my life
Your goodbye stabbed me like a rusty knife
A dream unfulfilled of you and me forever
now I just want all of these to be over
I need you to tell me how I can outgrow
I need you to tell what I should know
I need you to tell me who I can turn to
I need you to tell me why I should let you go
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
BLEAKNESS
My 36th summer is about to start
but why don't I feel like rejoicing?
There's an emptiness in my heart
and it won't stop aching.
I could remember all my plans
when I was still naive.
It seemed everything was at hand
and I readily believed.
"Here you go again." I heard a whisper.
"Stop dwelling on the 'what could've beens.'"
But the frustrations continue to linger
especially with all that I've seen.
Nothing came out right,
sadly, I have to admit.
I did try with all my might
but everything has a limit.
Now I'm faced with bleakness,
what is there left for me?
I hate this feeling of helplessness
and obvious uncertainty.
but why don't I feel like rejoicing?
There's an emptiness in my heart
and it won't stop aching.
I could remember all my plans
when I was still naive.
It seemed everything was at hand
and I readily believed.
"Here you go again." I heard a whisper.
"Stop dwelling on the 'what could've beens.'"
But the frustrations continue to linger
especially with all that I've seen.
Nothing came out right,
sadly, I have to admit.
I did try with all my might
but everything has a limit.
Now I'm faced with bleakness,
what is there left for me?
I hate this feeling of helplessness
and obvious uncertainty.
Monday, January 17, 2005
DEPRESSION*
blackness pervades my thoughts
numbness clouds my emotions
emptiness engulfs my days
as darkness consumes my soul
desperation creeps in uninvited
i was caught unaware
frustrations claws its way in
as ire starts to settle
helplessness is all i recognize
loneliness savors my fear
as change chases the rainbow away
and confusion dusts my dreams
*transferred from muffled thoughts
numbness clouds my emotions
emptiness engulfs my days
as darkness consumes my soul
desperation creeps in uninvited
i was caught unaware
frustrations claws its way in
as ire starts to settle
helplessness is all i recognize
loneliness savors my fear
as change chases the rainbow away
and confusion dusts my dreams
*transferred from muffled thoughts
PAST*
How can I make you understand
what I am going through?
No fairy can wave her magic wand
to make me stop feeling blue.
I prayed very hard for so long
that we will always be together.
Something happened and everything went wrong,
you are now somebody I can only remember.
No more jokes and stories to share;
no more cares and worries to tell;
no more pains and problems to bear;
no more and it might be as well...
It still breaks my heart though to think of the past.
You were my friend and I really thought it would last.
*transferred from muffled thoughts
what I am going through?
No fairy can wave her magic wand
to make me stop feeling blue.
I prayed very hard for so long
that we will always be together.
Something happened and everything went wrong,
you are now somebody I can only remember.
No more jokes and stories to share;
no more cares and worries to tell;
no more pains and problems to bear;
no more and it might be as well...
It still breaks my heart though to think of the past.
You were my friend and I really thought it would last.
*transferred from muffled thoughts
IS IT POSSIBLE?*
Is it possible for me to put into writing
all the sorrow, anger, hurt and pain?
Is it possible for me to stop the feeling
of my heart breaking when I hear your name?
Is it possible for me to really understand
what happened that day long ago?
Is it possible for you to take my hand
and make me listen to things I ought to know?
Is it possible for me to see you once more
and think of the things we used to do?
Is it possible for us to talk life before
and still share an experience or two?
Is it possible? Can somebody tell me, please?
Is it possible? God, I beg you to grant me peace....
*transferred from muffled thoughts
all the sorrow, anger, hurt and pain?
Is it possible for me to stop the feeling
of my heart breaking when I hear your name?
Is it possible for me to really understand
what happened that day long ago?
Is it possible for you to take my hand
and make me listen to things I ought to know?
Is it possible for me to see you once more
and think of the things we used to do?
Is it possible for us to talk life before
and still share an experience or two?
Is it possible? Can somebody tell me, please?
Is it possible? God, I beg you to grant me peace....
*transferred from muffled thoughts
DREAMS*
ten years to this day, i was so naive
i saw everything and readily believed
the sun rose and the moon set
dreaming of things i hoped to get
everybody called me their princess
i was a girl, so richly blessed
it was as if nothing could go wrong
things were exactly where they belong
suddenly, rains began to pour
i had no choice but to close the door
no light came in and the air became stale
the windows were jammed and it felt like hell
dreams could no longer be found
except when no one else is around
*transferred from muffled thoughts
i saw everything and readily believed
the sun rose and the moon set
dreaming of things i hoped to get
everybody called me their princess
i was a girl, so richly blessed
it was as if nothing could go wrong
things were exactly where they belong
suddenly, rains began to pour
i had no choice but to close the door
no light came in and the air became stale
the windows were jammed and it felt like hell
dreams could no longer be found
except when no one else is around
*transferred from muffled thoughts
HOW... ?*
my tears start to fall again
whenever i hear your name
what we had was more than special
but you turned and walked away
my heart starts to break again
whenever i hear your voice
i thought we would last forever
i was wrong. it was never your choice.
how could you be so cruel?
how could you be so unkind?
how could you be so unfeeling?
how could you be so blind?
my world starts to shatter again
whenever i see your face
life was made of dreams and promises
then i woke up and they all left without a trace
how can it be more painful?
how can i be more sad?
how can it last more than forever
what i never really had?
*transferred from muffled thoughts
whenever i hear your name
what we had was more than special
but you turned and walked away
my heart starts to break again
whenever i hear your voice
i thought we would last forever
i was wrong. it was never your choice.
how could you be so cruel?
how could you be so unkind?
how could you be so unfeeling?
how could you be so blind?
my world starts to shatter again
whenever i see your face
life was made of dreams and promises
then i woke up and they all left without a trace
how can it be more painful?
how can i be more sad?
how can it last more than forever
what i never really had?
*transferred from muffled thoughts
ALONE*
nobody seems to understand
what i am going through
angels have nowhere to land
here i am, alone and blue
everything changes at the blink of an eye
nothing remains even the color of the sky
the sun will come out tomorrow
they never fail to say
but i'm always full of sorrow
all my life, every single day
how can i cope with what i know
tears are all i have to show
*transferred from muffled thoughts
what i am going through
angels have nowhere to land
here i am, alone and blue
everything changes at the blink of an eye
nothing remains even the color of the sky
the sun will come out tomorrow
they never fail to say
but i'm always full of sorrow
all my life, every single day
how can i cope with what i know
tears are all i have to show
*transferred from muffled thoughts
HEARTSTRING
nothing hurts more than having your heartstrings tugged callously
it is as if air was cut off abruptly
i have to forcefully squint my way in the darkness
in an attempt to escape the abyss of helplessness
my hands are tightly bound by misery
they bleed profusely as i hid in my reverie
those were the days when i dwelt in fantasies
illusions foolishly confused with life's realities
i can't seem to stop my tears
realization can't overcome my fears
i can't seem to dream of tomorrow
as my entire being is drenched in sorrow
what can i do to cease this pain
what can i do to stop the rain
what can i do to find what i lost
what can i do to conquer the ghost
it is as if air was cut off abruptly
i have to forcefully squint my way in the darkness
in an attempt to escape the abyss of helplessness
my hands are tightly bound by misery
they bleed profusely as i hid in my reverie
those were the days when i dwelt in fantasies
illusions foolishly confused with life's realities
i can't seem to stop my tears
realization can't overcome my fears
i can't seem to dream of tomorrow
as my entire being is drenched in sorrow
what can i do to cease this pain
what can i do to stop the rain
what can i do to find what i lost
what can i do to conquer the ghost
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)