A FRIEND

I can't seem to find the right way
to express what's in my heart.
My soul has nothing left to say
except the pain is tearing me apart.
I really thought it would last forever.
I prayed so hard it would be
but life is another matter.
Look what it did to you and me.
How could it have happened to us?
What made our dreams fade away?
Who allowed time to pass?
Why did change have to stay?
Can somebody tell me when will the hurting end?
God, how I badly need a friend.

I AM ME

How can I possibly tell you how I feel
when I don't know anymore what is real?
Sure, the sun is still shining ever so bright.
But why do I feel nothing will ever be right?
I tried so very hard to understand
but then, this is all what I can.
I am not perfect and never professed to be.
So, why do you people keep on looking at me?
Give me a break! I need fresh air!
When will this pain be easier to bear?
Your burden is always heavier than my own.
Why can't I just stay at home?
I cannot live for somebody else's gain.
I am me. Please use my name.

TELL ME

Gusts of icy wind slap my face continuously
as if I can forget you already left me
Nothing would be colder than the emptiness in my heart
a proof I can't deny that we're now apart

Painful sighs echo through my life
Your goodbye stabbed me like a rusty knife
A dream unfulfilled of you and me forever
now I just want all of these to be over

I need you to tell me how I can outgrow
I need you to tell what I should know
I need you to tell me who I can turn to
I need you to tell me why I should let you go

BLEAKNESS

My 36th summer is about to start
but why don't I feel like rejoicing?
There's an emptiness in my heart
and it won't stop aching.

I could remember all my plans
when I was still naive.
It seemed everything was at hand
and I readily believed.

"Here you go again." I heard a whisper.
"Stop dwelling on the 'what could've beens.'"
But the frustrations continue to linger
especially with all that I've seen.

Nothing came out right,
sadly, I have to admit.
I did try with all my might
but everything has a limit.

Now I'm faced with bleakness,
what is there left for me?
I hate this feeling of helplessness
and obvious uncertainty.

DEPRESSION*

blackness pervades my thoughts
numbness clouds my emotions
emptiness engulfs my days
as darkness consumes my soul

desperation creeps in uninvited
i was caught unaware
frustrations claws its way in
as ire starts to settle

helplessness is all i recognize
loneliness savors my fear
as change chases the rainbow away
and confusion dusts my dreams




*transferred from muffled thoughts

PAST*

How can I make you understand
what I am going through?
No fairy can wave her magic wand
to make me stop feeling blue.
I prayed very hard for so long
that we will always be together.
Something happened and everything went wrong,
you are now somebody I can only remember.
No more jokes and stories to share;
no more cares and worries to tell;
no more pains and problems to bear;
no more and it might be as well...
It still breaks my heart though to think of the past.
You were my friend and I really thought it would last.




*transferred from muffled thoughts

IS IT POSSIBLE?*

Is it possible for me to put into writing
all the sorrow, anger, hurt and pain?
Is it possible for me to stop the feeling
of my heart breaking when I hear your name?
Is it possible for me to really understand
what happened that day long ago?
Is it possible for you to take my hand
and make me listen to things I ought to know?
Is it possible for me to see you once more
and think of the things we used to do?
Is it possible for us to talk life before
and still share an experience or two?
Is it possible? Can somebody tell me, please?
Is it possible? God, I beg you to grant me peace....




*transferred from muffled thoughts

DREAMS*

ten years to this day, i was so naive
i saw everything and readily believed
the sun rose and the moon set
dreaming of things i hoped to get
everybody called me their princess
i was a girl, so richly blessed
it was as if nothing could go wrong
things were exactly where they belong
suddenly, rains began to pour
i had no choice but to close the door
no light came in and the air became stale
the windows were jammed and it felt like hell
dreams could no longer be found
except when no one else is around



*transferred from muffled thoughts

HOW... ?*

my tears start to fall again
whenever i hear your name
what we had was more than special
but you turned and walked away

my heart starts to break again
whenever i hear your voice
i thought we would last forever
i was wrong. it was never your choice.

how could you be so cruel?
how could you be so unkind?
how could you be so unfeeling?
how could you be so blind?

my world starts to shatter again
whenever i see your face
life was made of dreams and promises
then i woke up and they all left without a trace

how can it be more painful?
how can i be more sad?
how can it last more than forever
what i never really had?




*transferred from muffled thoughts

ALONE*

nobody seems to understand
what i am going through
angels have nowhere to land
here i am, alone and blue

everything changes at the blink of an eye
nothing remains even the color of the sky

the sun will come out tomorrow
they never fail to say
but i'm always full of sorrow
all my life, every single day

how can i cope with what i know
tears are all i have to show




*transferred from muffled thoughts

HEARTSTRING

nothing hurts more than having your heartstrings tugged callously
it is as if air was cut off abruptly
i have to forcefully squint my way in the darkness
in an attempt to escape the abyss of helplessness

my hands are tightly bound by misery
they bleed profusely as i hid in my reverie
those were the days when i dwelt in fantasies
illusions foolishly confused with life's realities

i can't seem to stop my tears
realization can't overcome my fears
i can't seem to dream of tomorrow
as my entire being is drenched in sorrow

what can i do to cease this pain
what can i do to stop the rain
what can i do to find what i lost
what can i do to conquer the ghost